Tagged: football jokes

Offensive Explosion

  • Twins hit four homers against O’s

morny_homer.jpgThe Twins teed off on Baltimore yesterday, bashing four home runs.  Justin Morneau hit his second dinger in as many games, a two-run shot off of Jeremy Guthrie in the first.  Brendan Harris, Matt Tolbert(!) and Delmon Young all homered off of Adam Eaton in the sixth, though the wind did help out a little bit (except for Brendan Harris’ rocket off of the Walgreen’s sign in left field, and Morny’s laser to center).  And while nobody homered in today’s contest against the Marlins, the offense managed to produce eight runs on twelve hits.  Starter Kevin Slowey had two hits and three RBI of his own, while shutting down the Fish for five innings (his lone run was a Dan Uggla solo shot).   

The Twins have now scored 29 runs in their past four games.  While some readers thought that I was just being negative when I complained about the lack of offense, it turns out that a little tough love is what the guys really needed.  You’re welcome.

  • Chicago pounds Oakland, 20-5

Kyle Orton threw two touchdown passes, and Chicago added a couple of field goals on their way to a rout of Oakland.  The Raiders couldn’t solve the Bears’ stifling D, and only managed to score a field goal and a safety.

Seriously, though, this has to be the ugliest boxscore ever.   Paul Bako had four hits and three RBI even though he didn’t come in until the sixth inning.  Oakland reliever Edgar Gonzalez barfed up seven earned runs in 2/3 of an inning, giving him a 94.50 ERA for the day.  Andrew Bailey was the only Oakland pitcher who managed to toss a scoreless inning.   

  • Japan defeats Korea, 5-3 to repeat as WBC champs

japan_wbc_champs.jpgI’m not going to lie, I fell asleep on the couch in the bottom of the eighth and didn’t get to see how the game ended.  I can’t help it, I was tired!  And it looked like Japan pretty much had this one in the bag, anyway.  Luckily the good people at Ghostrunner on First were paying attention, so I didn’t have to.  While I think that the tournament has its flaws (the timing is wrong, the formatting should be better, etc.) these games have to be some of the most exciting I’ve seen in a long time.  After being deprived of baseball for four long months, it just felt really good to have that had all of the excitement and intensity of playoff matches.  In March!  Four years just seems way too long to wait for more.

  • But what if you don’t really want either one?

The geniuses in the St. Paul Saints‘ public relations department have dreamed up another brilliant promotional scheme.  These are, after all, the same people who came up with the Larry Craig bobble foot doll (in honor of National Tap Dance Day, of course):

bobble_foot_doll_2.jpgIn honor of Minnesota’s never-ending Senate recount, the Saints created the “Re” Count bobble head doll:

recount.jpgHe’s modeled after Count von Count of Sesame Street fame:

The “Re” Count doll will be distributed to the first 2,500 fans on May 23, prior to a game against the Sioux Falls Canaries.  Hopefully this whole thing will be over with by then.  But I wouldn’t count on it.

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